When It's Time To Argue

Having arguments is normal in any close relationships. It is just impossible to get along or agree on everything all the time. Sometimes a small argument can turn into a bigger conflict if you don’t handle it well. Here are some tips on how to communicate a disagreement better to your loved ones.

1. Intentionally set the goal of the discussion is not to be the right one, but to communicate your objection over some matters, and to improve the relationship. Like the saying goes: you can be right all the time, OR you can be in a relationship.

2. If it’s a very delicate issue, set a time together on when to discuss it. Try to do it within the week to not let it dragged on.

3. Make sure you are in a calm manner. If you are in the middle of a heated argument and you feel like you might drift from the actual goal (solve the conflict), and rather focus on winning the argument: ask for some time off, and reschedule. Remember, words that are said, can’t be forgotten easily.

4. Check your words and gesture. You are not here to attack your loved one, you are here to communicate your feelings. So start with: I feel…when…

5. When it is time for you to listen: don’t interrupt. After they are done, paraphrase what they are saying with your own words, to make sure you get it right. Repeat it until you are sure you get it right. This step could give you both insights on what is going on on both sides.

6. Maintain a CURIOUS manner while listening. Get curious on how you both could find a middle ground and resolve the conflict. You are not under attack, you are both looking for a solution.

7. Propose ideas on what you think can improve the situation. If you find a deadlock, it’s okay to reschedule the discussion again. If you think you need a mediator, don’t hesitate to go to couple therapist, everybody needs it from time to time.

Hope the tips help. Show this post to your partner so they are in the same page. Here is to more healthy arguments in the future!