Dealing With Disappointment

What if things don’t go as planned?

The Rolling Stones warned us years ago, “you can’t always get what you want”, but that doesn’t stop us from wanting things we can’t get, or have expectations, time and time again, and feeling disappointed when things don’t go our way.

So should we just stop having any expectations at all? Nope. It is normal to have expectations when you value something as important in your life. Inevitably, disappointment is part of our life. Part of our emotions that we can learn how to deal with better. Here are some tips to manage our disappointment better:

1. Acknowledge, allow, and accept the feeling of disappointment. This feeling is part of being human. It means you take something seriously and that is not a bad thing.

“I really want to meet my family in my hometown, but my flight is canceled last minute. I miss my family, and disappointed that I can’t hug them soon. It hurts in my chest and I feel like crying.”

2. Channel the emotional energy into some calming (control your breathing, practice mindfulness) or physical activities (like going to the gym, taking a long run)

3. Reflect. This is a very important part to turn the disappointment into a valuable learning moment. Was it a realistic expectation? Did I give it enough effort to achieve it?

4. Check to see if you recognize any unhelpful way of thinking clouding your judgement: “If I don’t go now, I might not be able to meet my family ever (blow out of proportion), I am an unlucky person (taking it personal)

5. When you plan something, recognize that there are things that is not under our control, and accident happens. This recognition will help you to accept the situation better. For example: “My flight is canceled due to the rising Omicron case numbers. These numbers are out of my control, and it is better I know it now rather than on one of my lay over.”

6. When you are ready, talk about it with your trusted ones who would not just validate your feelings, but also give you honest feedback on how you could do it better next time.

7. Adjust your goal, or reframe the situation by adding the word ‘yet’ in the end.

“It might not be the time to hug my family yet. It is not forever, there will be better time for me to meet them.”

Failure to meet your expectations are not forever, and not part of your identity. You are still valuable and worthy despite your failures. And even if you don’t get what you want, we can take wisdom from Rolling Stones that says “If you try sometimes you might find, you get what you need ;).”